Andy Kindler's Hot Off The Shtick

Dear Website: Part 2

It’s me again. Still pretending to have a conversation with my website. Just invented something in my head: 3D drinking glasses. Patent pending me getting a patent.

Things are heating up, at least seasonally. Time to put away the down jacket from 1972 and break out the Bermuda shorts and other clothing named after a series of islands. This summer I will be appearing on TV more than once. Also, I will be visible in a live format. Is that vague enough for you? I can make it even less clear if you prefer. What am I talking about? If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Just get ready cause here I come, ready or not. That last sentence did not have a nice ring to it.

Love,
Andy Kindler

Dear Website,

How are you? I am fine, except for the searing pain. Do you prefer your pain seared or poached? Things are going swimmingly, especially in the pool. Everything is good on my end. Also my middle is very nice. Lots of career things happening. Not in my career, but you get the idea. Really looking forward. That last sentence was my favorite. Actually I don’t have favorites. I love all my sentences equally. If I had anything substantive to add, I would have added it by now. I am crazy about the word substantive. It’s so substantial.

Love,

Andy Kindler

Winterrific

Let me be the last to impersonally wish you and your entire ilk a Happy New Year!  Now it's time to stop celebrating and get back to obsessing and compulsing. You know what they say. You can't spell the word neurotic without all the necessary letters.

If the above paragraph confused you, join the club. Or form a new club, but don't call it Kiwanis or Rotary. Those names are taken already. How about Club Sandwich? Or just make yourself a sandwich and cut out the middle man. Or leave the middle man in the sandwich. That's your call. In any case, get off my back.

Fall Way Behind

Finally turned my clock back. I don't know about you, but that extra hour really did the trick. Even if I did know about you, it was still just what the doctor ordered. One more hour of shut eye and now I see how it's all going to work out. In the Spring I plan to get my clock cleaned. Get it? That's my new catch phrase. Get it?

I will be appearing at Penguins Comedy Club in Quad Cities, Iowa November 13 and 14. Then I will be appearing at my mom and dad's house for Thanksgiving. Get it?

Now Read This

I will be, or just was, on the Late Show with David Letterman. See how I cover all the bases? You can't even see the bases because I covered them so well. Don't make me hedge my bets, or rob Peter to annoy Paul. Is it six of one, or a half dozen of the other? You do the math.  In the meantime, give me five onion, three poppy, and the rest sesame.

How do I top my Late Show appearance? How about a return trip to the Laughing Skull Lounge in Atlanta, Georgia? Pinch me, I must be in the deep South.

In November, Thanksgiving comes early with my visit to Penguin's Comedy Club in Quad Cities, Iowa. Slap me, I must be in the Midwest.

The Days Are Shorter

Now the days know how I feel. Can you believe summer is over? If the answer is no, what are you going to do about it? Start a petition protesting the change of seasons? I would be happy to sign that. Well maybe not happy, but I'll sign it. In October, in spite of popular demand, I return to Atlanta, Georgia to play the Laughing Skull Lounge. And there's more. In November things really cool down when I head  to Quad Cities, Iowa for my appearance at Penguin's Comedy Club. After that, the sky's the limit. Literally. I will not play any club outside of this solar system.

Summer It Up

What a month this is not shaping up to be. Am I on vacation? Not by choice. Perhaps I am laying low. I just wanted to use the word perhaps. Perhaps I should have gone with maybe.

If I had anything new to report, I would have disclosed it by now. Draw your own conclusions. Or if you prefer,  just color in your own pre-conceived notions.

So glad I had this chance to "check in" and "bring you up to date," as well as practice my use of quotation marks.

Love,
Andy Kindler

Jewn Goings On

Hope everyone had a great Shavuot, or Shavuos, if you prefer the Ashkenazi, and who doesn't? Now it's time to gear up for a sizzling hot Andy Kindler summer. At some point this month I will be appearing on the Late Show with David Letterman. Not sure of the exact date so I suggest you TIVO CBS non-stop starting now so you don't miss it. Friday, June 19 and  Saturday, June 20 I will be at Comix Comedy Club in New York City. Tuesday, July 7, through Saturday, July 11, I will be at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Otherwise I will be at home weeping controllably.

Love,

Andy Kindler

Spring Shtickies

Note to self. Put a pin in it.  In May I am coming either to your town, or a town within 1500 hundred miles of your town. Do you live in Atlanta? Well then you're in luck, if you consider it lucky to see me perform at the Laughing Skull Lounge, Thursday, May 14, through Sunday, May 17. At the very least, consider it a  fortuitous development.

Are you Canadian? Do you have a passport? Are you annoyed by questions? Why not see me perform Friday, May 22, through Sunday, May 24, at the Comedy Bar, conveniently located on Bloor Street in Toronto? It's especially convenient for people who live in Toronto on or near Bloor Street.

In June I'll be in New York at Comix Comedy Club, Friday June 19, and Saturday, June 20, but lets not get ahead of ourselves. Okay I'm caught up. Feel free to get ahead of yourself.

Check back here often for updates, and then get discouraged if there aren't any.

Love,
Andy Kindler

Shticking It To The Man

Are my party people in the house? That's odd. I don't know any party people, and I don't own a house.

This week I will be appearing at the South by Southwest Music Festival (SXSW) in Austin, Texas. On Thursday, March 19, I will be hosting the Quackmedia/Found Magazine party. On Friday, March 20, and Saturday, March 21, I will be performing (as well as appearing) with other comedians at the Velveeta Room and Esther's Follies. What am I, a hoofer?

On Saturday, March 28, I will be comedyizing at a fund raiser for the Los Angeles Jewish Home for the Aging.

What else am I up to, you don't ask? I am scheduled to appear (and perform) on the Late Show with David Letterman on Wednesday, April 1. Don't hold me to that, but please hold me. I am busily working on my April Fool's jokes. So far I have none.

Love,
Andy Kindler