Happy Labor Day!!! Did the three exclamation points raise the excitement level of that opening sentence? How about that question mark I placed at the end of the last sentence? I am so tired of grammatical correctness.
Labor Day is my favorite holiday of all the holidays I don’t celebrate. I’m self employed, so I always take Monday off anyway. It helps me prepare to sleep walk through Tuesday. On Labor Day when I’m doing nothing at least I can pretend to be observing something.
Labor Day is a scam. The department stores and the Masons started it. Somehow the Kiwanis Club was involved. Maybe I don’t have my facts straight, or coherent. Can you think of one great Labor Day themed movie? I rest my case. Why don’t you get off my case, so it doesn’t get so exhausted that I need to rest it?
When I say Labor Day is a state of mind or something along those lines, it’s not just a bland assertion. It’s not just a cliche. Been there, done that. Talk to the hand. Bargain with your foot. Same old same old. Think of Labor Day as a brand. See? Now it’s a brand. Act accordingly.
September is shaping up to be a shapely month. Remember that thirty days hast September. This is true about April June and November. Then look up the word hast and bore yourself to tears. Of course it’s the archaic second person singular present of have. You don’t have to tell me that. I just looked it up.
Hey kids, it’s back to school time. Eat your heart out. I don’t go to school anymore. I never have to take a test again for the rest of life. As far as I’m concerned SAT is the abbreviation for Saturday, and every day is Saturday when you’re not in school. So I guess I’m saying I’m better than you because I’m an adult. On the down side, each day my body decays further.
Later this month I will make a triumphant return to the Punchline in San Francisco. By triumphant I mean someone dropped out and I was booked last minute. Ant was unavailable, so I got the call. The dates are Thursday, September 27 through Saturday, September 29. Howard Kremer will be on the show as well, and he is a funny man.
Keep checking this website hourly for exciting updates and late breaking news. After three hours you will realize that you have been had.