Where did the time go? What happened to July? Did I miss a memo, specifically the one announcing the arrival of August? Soon it will be September, which hast thirty days, along with April, June, and November. I use the word hast often. I'm proud to live in a country that hast a word for the archaic second person singular of the word have.
That first paragraph was just filler. I pay myself by the word. It's a tax thing, like a shelter, but more shady. Maybe this isn't the best forum to talk about my finances. I am currently involved in some pyramid schemes. One scenario involves me distracting the guards with one liners, while a friend driving a fork lift steals a pyramid. What a scheme! Once I used a fork lift to lift a fork. It's not as easy as it sounds, but exactly as stupid as it sounds.
Lets dispense with the unpleasantries and get right to the self promotion. On Wednesday, August 20, at 10:30 PM, I will be appearing on a new episode of Lewis Black's Root of All Evil, on Comedy Central. If you are reading this after August 20, try to find a repeat. If that doesn't work, give up.
What else is in the news? I wish Brian Williams would open with that every night. There's so much going on I don't know where to start. I'm really looking forward to ______________! It's shaping up to be quite an event.